A year after finding myself single, I finally felt ready to pick myself up, dust myself off and join the singles arena again. I have done enough soul searching to know I am not looking for a rebound and had enough therapy to know I am not carrying years of baggage into this next round.
But at 35 where does a single girl start? I’ve been out of this dating game for eight years now, yikes! For starters, I am not big on dragging my ass to bars every weekend with the hope that Mr. Interesting is there at the bar waiting to talk with me. Serial searching doesn’t fit into my lifestyle of bed at 10PM on a Saturday night! I also realize the relationship of my dreams is not going to fall into my lap.
So the best place to start? Ask your other single girlfriends for recommendations. On second thought, this might now have been the most encouraging place to start! These ladies have been putting themselves out there only to be met by a string of disappointing dates and dozens of losers! They tried it all from friends setting them up, online dating sites like eHarmony, Tinder and Ok Cupid, even group dating. Even through it all, they have not given up on the idea of love. I decided I should take a page from their playbook.
Off I went on the online dating train and down the rabbit hole I fell. The attention, the messaging, swiping right, swiping left; I was hooked in less than 24 hours! But I quickly learned a few lessons and realized if I am in this for the long haul, I better pace myself and not take it too seriously.
It’s been a little over a week now and I’ve started to see some themes. I can break down my messages into these eight different approaches guys take.
The eight archetypes of online dating messages:
The one-liners: these are the “hello gorgeous,” “beautiful,” “great smile.” That’s it, that’s the whole message. Thanks, I guess?! These messages make up about 70% of my inbox and are typically sent by the guy who is shirtless in his profile picture or driving in his car looking like his face is stone and might crack if he smiles. Purely entertaining and not worthy of my reply.
The over-seller: He is the guy who is trying too hard. It feels like he might be trying to convince himself he is as great as he is telling you he is. He starts the message out with a paragraph on how he is a nice guy, honest, drama free, funny, etc. He is your dream man, because based on your brief profile he knows what your heart desires. Red flag flying here! What is the saying, oh yeah, if it sounds too good to be true it usually is! Ask me a few questions before you presume to know my inner most workings.
The weatherman: He is the guy who says “hi” and then continues with something generic and lame about the weather. Boring…please come up with something a little more interesting.
The profile puller: He is the guy who actually read your profile, or at least a piece of it. He makes reference to something you said and asks a follow-up question about it. He actually knows how to start a conversation and has demonstrated he did more than just flip through your photos. This guy gets a message back…well, if I like what I read and see. I am also a profile puller!
The incessant messenger: He is the worst offender. You might never return his message, or maybe you did once and then realized you were not interested. He keeps sending you messages, saying hi, asking if you want to chat. If I wanted to talk with you, I would be replying to your messages. Please stop messaging me! Keep this up and you are going to get blocked or reported.
The instant wanna meet-er: He is the guy who asks you out before you’ve exchanged more than ten words, maybe even in his first message to you. He claims he needs to meet in person to get to know you. I agree that nothing replaces meeting face to face, but I require some effort of courting. I won’t be meeting you out anytime soon.
The never wanna meet-er: I have only been at this for a week so can’t really say I have encountered this for myself, but I hear he exists. I might be actually talking to a few right now! He is the guy who you’ve been messaging with for weeks and you have a good conversation going, yet he has not asked to meet you in person. Is he just wasting your time?
The middle of the night-er: He is also usually the one-liner type too! A “hello pretty lady” message at 2AM. How about go to bed, get off Ok Cupid!
If you are online dating you can likely relate to these exchanges, and if not, now you see what us single ladies are up against. A week into this and I am thoroughly entertained by the whole process. I’ve gone of my first date in eight years, talked with dozens of guys and realized that I can do this again. I might not find love online and that is ok. Right now I am having fun, laughing at my experiences but being open to possibilities.
Loves, V
Yup! Hit the nail on the head. The world of online dating is nothing if not hilarious, exhausting, ego-boosting, and disappointing!! Oh wait, that’s all dating. Glad we can experience it together!! ❤️
Your right MAN, not man child, is out there! Get a good pair of gardening gloves, cause there will be a lot a weeding!!!